The Warriors "Dutch Boy" Team

A number of years back Dutch Boy Paint used to sponsor some NBA games, resulting in my favorite 4th quarter award, the "Dutch Boy in the Paint," given to the outstanding post player of the night. Rik Smits received this award so often (bonus points because he is actually Dutch) that in my mind it became synonymous with the Pacer big man, and therefore synonymous with the whitest of white NBA players. Because making fun of, or at least pointing out, professional white athletes is always good for a laugh, and it seems like the Warriors always have one of those Todd Fuller-types (big, awkward) or Vinny Del Negro-types (small, shooter, but not always hairy like Vincent "Of The Black") on the team, I thought I'd present to you the Dutch Boy Warriors.

Contestants are evaluated on skills and an arbitrary comedy scale.

G - Bob Sura ('01-'03). Statistics aside, how can you pass on the fake tan and bleached, glue-sprayed hair? Nothing more reliable than a frozen 'do on Sura.

G - Sarunas Marciulionis ('90-'93). Runner-up for sixth man award in '91 and '92. Averaged right around 18 ppg and 3.5 apg after settling into NBA life. Plus he has one of the greatest names ever in NBA history.

SF - Chris Mullin ('86-'97, '01). Just can't leave him off, even an off-color roster like this one. The defining Warrior of the 90's; now the GM. Averaged over 25 ppg from '89-'93 and member of the Dream Team. Reputation among Bay Area fans took a hit in the last few years due to some questionable roster decisions. Also, his trade to the Pacers in '97 began the Dampier era.

PF - Andrew DeClercq ('96, '97). Bonus points for the funky name, but more importantly, this description, courtesy of HoopsHype.com, says it perfectly:

A banger... Strong upper body... Can't do much with the ball in his hands.

C - Todd Fuller ('97, '98). Rounding out the frontcourt, which was neither impressive nor long-lived but for some reason sticks out in my mind. Classic white guy fade complicated by some early balding. Perfect softy face for the Dutch Boy team. A random note: Fuller almost averaged a double double his senior season at NC State.